The Things That Happen When You See A House You Like

You don't give a shit about paying a £999 mortgage booking fee. What's £999 on top of the £200k you're borrowing? A drop in a very deep ocean of debt.

You want to get things moving. Get the deal done. But there's red tape as thick as an exterior wall between you and those keys in your hand.

You want second third fourth opinions. So the blame can be halved, quartered, eighthed when the house falls down.

You start obsessing about money. Not spending it. Cutting back. (In other words, you become dull.)

You don't want anyone else looking, sniffing or smelling 'your' house. So you insist the estate agent takes it off the market (and you check their website to make sure they're true to their word).

You start thinking about the vendor. Are they decent? Will they pull out at the eleventh hour after you've spent a fair whack getting checks and surveys done.

You start writing your house buyer's blog again, because you might have something interesting to say.

Waiting Game

Saw a house. Liked it. Waited. Put in an offer. Waited. Rejected. Put in a higher offer. Waited. Accepted. Stomach churned like yoghurt. Went to the bank. Waited for man in suit. Asked for a mortgage. Got grilled like fish fingers for two hours. Waited. Got OK'd for a mortgage. Went looking for a solicitor. Waited. Got one. Paid for a survey to be done. Waited for the results. Hmmm. Some things need looking at. The gas electrics windows. Now waiting for the gas electrics windows to be looked at.

Redundancy Off. House Hunt Back On.

Another bullet dodged. The cull has been survived. So the house hunt is back on. My original September deadline is going to missed by a long way as I've had no viewings for months, no second viewings ever, no offers made.

My problems remain twofold - I don't like any houses that fall within my price range, and I don't like any mortgages on offer for the 15% deposit I've managed to scrape together.

Really looking forward to the next few months then. Hope to be moved in time for Christmas. Ho, ho bloody ho.

Nothing Like The Threat Of Redundancy To Stall Your House Hunt

Hence the lack of entries in this blog. The house hunt is in stasis until I find out one way or another whether I can guarantee a regular income, and satisfy those pound hungry money lenders. I suspect they don't appreciate a man with no guarantee of work coming in and asking to borrow a couple of hundred grand with a vastly inflated interest rate attached to it. I'm still saving properties I like the look of from the emails I'm getting sent, but that's more in hope than expectation. We shall see!

What's This - Mortgage Fees Getting Cut

Seems some lenders are seeing sense and realising that the random payment of mortgage fees is putting people off.

Still don't understand how the fees can be as high as £999. But it looks like some lenders are knocking 50% off what they're randomly charging. It's a start. A step in the right direction...

Affordable rates? They're lost on me...

This article says that first time buyers are benefitting from fairly cheap borrowing rates.

Hmm. Not from where I'm sitting. It does go on to say that a 25% deposit is needed to benefit from the best rates. That's at least 50 grand for the type of houses I'm looking for (and we're not talking mansions here).

Until mortgage companies offer similar low borrowing rates for, say, a 15% deposit, I can't see how many people are going to be able to (or will even bother to) get on the property ladder.

The banks know they are putting big mark-ups on their mortgages, and they're charging extortionate mortgage booking fees on top of that. Time that all came to an end...

Property Prices Down 0.6%

Like a child in a holiday park pool, house prices are on the slide.

Ok, so a 0.6% drop in June is no cause for backflips, somersaults or any other kind of visual celebration. But it's a step in the right direction. A wake-up call to vendors who continue to take the piss by asking for prices they might have got at the peak of the housing market back in 2007, but won't get now.

If you don't like the fact that the roof over your head isn't worth what it was a few years ago, take it off the market and stay where you are. Stop flooding estate agents with ridiculous asking prices that will see your home stay unsold until Christmas.

Holding Out For A Few Less Zeros

It's been a good few months since I've even bothered viewing a property. There's been a couple of OK ones, but to be honest, I'm not blown away by any of the properties that fall within my price range. So I won't lose any sleep when someone else snaps them up for the over-inflated asking price. I'm only going to be offering what I think properties are worth, and that's likely to be a good twenty grand under whatever's being asked. The idea of renting again is getting more and more appealing...

The sun is high in the sky. And prices remain sky high.

House prices rose again in June. But only by 0.1% this month, according to this report. Hardly anyone can be arsed to buy by the sounds of it. What with the football on and the weather good and the prices as high as the temperatures.

Searching has certainly been on the backburner for me as England disgraced themselves in South Africa. Word on the street, avenue and cul de sac is that the ending of HIPs has made more potential sellers want to put their house out there to see what they'll get for it. Many of these probably aren't serious sellers unless they get an offer that's too good to refuse.

They won't be getting anything of the kind from me. I'm determined to have my first offer laughingly rejected.

My word, there's a lot to do.

Moving from A to B isn't easy. Was looking into all the stuff that needs doing before, during and after moving house, and my, oh my, there's so much to remember. So many things that can go wrong. So many people who can put a spanner in the works. So many others who need paying for doing their bit along the way. How do people put up with it? Surveyors. Conveyancers. Estate Agents. Solicitors. Milkmen. They all seem to need to know what you're up to at some stage of the moving process, and you can bet they'll all want paying.

Ten Grand Lopped Off

Ah, that's better. One of my saved properties has had ten grand knocked off by the vendor. A sign that some common sense or desperation is creeping into the market? Or just a one-off? Time will tell, but that loss of ten k certainly makes the whole deal more appealing.

A Home For Under A Hundred Grand

Just been offered one via email. Obviously we're not talking top of the range. It's a mobile home in fact. But still, the novelty of a five-figure price tag is worthy of a mention. I won't be getting on my mobile to arrange a viewing though...

House Price Inflation On The Up

Not what I wanted to hear. The rate of rise is up to 10% according to this report. That's about as welcome as next door's rabid cat. How are bricks in mortar increasing in value when there's no money about and spending cuts on the horizon? Grumble. Grumble. Back to the football...

Two Up. Two Down.

That's basically all I can afford to buy when I do finally take the plunge. A narrow house with a narrow garden. Maybe a parking space out front, but probably not. Maybe a shed out back, but probably not. Maybe an upstairs bathroom, but probably not. I'm really not excited about getting on the property ladder, simply because the ladder feels about three rungs high. I don't think I'm gonna be proud of whatever house I end up with. It'll have two up, but will leave me feeling very down.

Quiet Week (Yawn)

Nothing new has floated my boat this week. Getting mails featuring the same old unsold, overpriced houses that have been on the market all year. Yawn. The best mortgages still require a 30% deposit. Double yawn. The likelihood of a double dip recession seems to be on the increase (triple yawn with a little anxious yelp thrown in for good measure). Still, at least the World Cup is on.

Another Mortgage Disadvantage

I've only ever paid contents insurance in my time as a renter. Of course, as soon as you enter mortgage land, the delightful world and extra cost of Buildings insurance enters the fray, as welcome as a wasp's nest in your shed (not my shed, I don't have one).

You know, with all these extra costs, I'm surprised so many people readily agree to get mortgages. 'I want to own my own home' they tell me. 'But you don't own it,' I tell them. 'The bank does until you've paid them back.'

A Two-Bed For£36,000

Several times I've been sent emails with properties that have asking prices for £56,000. Or better still £36,000. Now, I know this is an error on the part of whoever compiles these mailings, but it doesn't stop me clicking on the photo and taking a look to see if the offer is for real. Always on the look out for a bargain, me.

World Cups and House Hunting

I don't think the two are happy bedfellows. One involves a lot of shouting, drinking and moaning. The other is the biggest sporting tournament on the planet. The need to find somewhere that will provide me with a roof over my head for the next few years will have to play second fiddle to my need to watch a football fest. Holland to win it.

Leasehold law too complicated? What a surprise.

Just like nearly everything involved in the house buying process, it's either too expensive or too complicated. Leaseholds fall into both categories if this report is anything to go by.

Once again, it's an example of how the unscrupulous can use the housebuying process to make a quick buck at the expense of the homebuyer who doesn't want to wade through pages of dull legal waffle. As I've said before, there's just too much outdated, complicated crap involved in the housebuying process, and leaseholds are just another twist in the maze. It all needs looking at.

Google Streetview

Here's an invaluable tool for the modern day househunter. Streetview lets you check out the neighbourhood, see how dangerous it is, peer at your potential future neighbours, all without being seen.

You can see how far your target home is from that open prison, that busy mainline train station, or the silage works. You can check out the kind of cars people in the area drive to see if yours will stick out either cos it's half the size than the 4x4 rest, or if it's way too flash and likely to be key-scratched or taken off your hands altogether.

Now, if homeowners could overcome the obvious burglar fears, it would make my life a lot easier if vendors would let the nice Google cameras into their homes so I can see what it's like inside before I make my long trek to a viewing. Google Through The Keyhole would catch on methinks.

House prices falling?

That's what it says here. Splendid news for buyers like me who've been holding out until some common sense returns to the market. However, the fall is less than a half of one per cent, so it's not quite time for me to throw wads of money I haven't got up into the air in celebration. But as I've said all along, if every vendor knocked 20 grand off their initial asking price and allowed me to knock a further twenty off that, we'd be doing business.

Need to find an extra twenty grand I reckon...

That's how much more I reckon I need to up the quality of the house I'll be able to afford. My current budget offers only a limited selection of pretty similar houses. However, up it a bit and suddenly there's a whole new world of choice. Some with two bathrooms. Three bedrooms. A garage! A garden with room for trees. Now, if only money grew on trees...

A 25 Year Sentence

That's always been my view on mortgages. You tie yourself into a long term deal in which you have to pay back a certain amount every month. A certain amount that's certain to get higher methinks.

I can't help feeling I'm going to wish away that quarter of a century, until the day I owe the bank nothing, and own my house. But I'll be (calculator out) 65 by then. Youth and even middle-aged long gone. Hair as well probably. I hope that's not what life's all about, but I fear it might be...

Mortgage Press Ads

There's a fair few of them about now. But before I get all excited about the rates they offer, I'm quick to check out the LTV. That's loan to value, I believe. The percentage of the overall price of the house the banks are willing to lend you. Seems I'm picking up a lot of the lingo during this house search. Nearly all the ads are only relevant if you can pay at least a 30% deposit. That's 60 grand on the type of property I'm looking at. Loose change of course. Where do I sign?

The spectre of higher SVRs

SVRs are Standard Variable Rates, apparently, and Lloyds Bank are about to up theirs because they need to make more money out of their mortgage lending, according to this BBC report. Well, at least they're honest, but it's just another reason why I despise mortgages. A long, long term commitment in which the lender can screw you for more money pretty much any time they want.

September Ain't Gonna Happen

There's no way I'll be moving by my original deadline. The hoped-for price crash hasn't materialised. Banks have consistently failed to offer decent first time buyer interest rates. And I've not been blown away by any houses in my price range (though I suspect some of those houses have been blown away, they're so small).

Can't see any light at the end of the tunnel (can't see any tunnel, to be fair). Now's a case of waiting and hoping that there'll be so few other buyers out there for the rest of the year, that someone will be so desperate to sell their home, they'll do so for a reasonable price. Yeah, right.

Someone Died In That House

I think vendors should make more of an effort to disguise houses which have come onto the market due to the death of the previous occupant.

That means throwing out that old armchair with the pointy upper corners. Dumping the age old cooker with stains from the seventies. Trashing the carpet with a pattern so loud the neighbours bang on the wall demanding for it to be turned down. And tidying up the overgrown garden.

And while you're at it, knock twenty grand off the asking price too, as it's going to take at least that much to make it inhabitable for twenty first centurians.

Fed Up Of Emailing Me

Got an automatically generated email from an estate agent today that listed the number of emails they've sent me and the number of housing viewings I've had with them as a result.

The figures were something like: Emails Sent: 150. Viewings: 0.

Now, it's not costing them anything to send me those emails, and I am looking at them. But nearly all the emails they send me feature the same five or six properties. And they're still over-priced. So maybe, don't keep sending me info about houses you've already sent me info about...

Conveyancing Quote

Don't like the word 'conveyancing' really, but that's neither here nor there. What is both here and there is the fact that I mistakenly filled in a few boxes on a website to see how much a conveyancing quote would cost. I expected a couple of hundred quid. Not the grand or so I was faced with. (It was actually three grand but that included the now 'irrelevant-to-me' stamp duty.)

What's clear to me is that the whole housebuying process is riddled with chancers trying to screw as much as they can out of people who want to make an investment for the future. A grand for some bloke to look a wall or two up and down for a few minutes then jot some hieroglyphics on a clipboard?

When the time comes, I'll be keeping a close eye on my conveyancer, making sure he earns his corn. And yes, I will try to pay him with corn.

HIPs replaced by PropertyFest

Seems the demise of the HIPs document has spurred a lot of sellers into action. There seem to be loads more homes to choose from this week, the likes of which I've not seen since I started househunting. Even the odd 3-bed with upstairs bathroom, sneaking in to my price range - just.

Cut expensive and unnecessary paperwork out of the process and this is what happens. Imagine what would happen if someone could cut expensive and unnecessary mortgage fees out of the process too...

By the way, I reckon I can squeeze a few more HIPs puns out yet...

Houseboats

Some of these look interesting. A riverside dwelling for the price of a caravan. There must be some catches. You probably get picked on mercilessly by landlocked neighbours. Returning home from a night out on the sauce would have to be carefully negotiated. And it'd help to be a strong swimmer I guess.

The more I think about it, the less this kind of home floats my boat.

Mortgage Borrowing Recovering. Mortgage Lending Down.

News stories carrying these headlines ran a few days apart last week. Now, to me they contradict each other. Buying a house is confusing enough without these kind of riddles appearing. Is it a good time to buy? A bad time? Not only do have I no idea, but I suspect the so-called experts are in the same boat.

Gimme A Garden

Twenty-plus degrees C outside. Unbroken blue sky. It's days like these you need a garden. And it's days like these where paying that little extra for some outside space all seems worth it. Thing is, how many days like this do we get every year?

HIPS Given The Elbow

Doesn't really affect me as I've nothing to sell, but I can imagine the suspension of these painfully expensive documents is a godsend for many vendors. Seemed totally unnecessary to me. It's not like buying/selling a house isn't packed with enough hassle and expense. These just added another layer of complication and cash outlay. They'll not be missed I suspect.

Ex-council houses

My word, there's a lot of these up for sale. And none are appealing.

A turgid dark brown colour. Dominated by irrelevant chimneys. Out-dated white window frames. And front gardens that look like havens for stray dog turds.

Many have been converted into even less appealing maisonettes. And you're never sure of the quality of the neighbourhood, nor the friendliness of your neighbours. I'm sure they're all very nice. But I'll pass.

Renting Pt II

A lot of people see renting as simply paying off someone else's mortgage. Which, of course, is accurate. But I always see it as a way of ensuring you only pay a fixed sum each month on where you live. None of this, oops there goes two grand cos my boiler's blown up. Or damn, those window frames need replacing. There goes another grand. Renting gives you stability, not to mention lack of responsibility. Which is always nice.

Sold Prices Websites

These websites that let you see how much properties are selling for are a good idea. And a bad one. Good in that you can see how much similar properties in the area you're looking at have sold for. It gives you plenty of ammo to moan at the asking prices some vendors have the cheek to set.

But the sites can be depressing. Especially if you look back a decade and see how much homes were going for then. £100K would have got me a very respectable pad. Now? £100K gets you nothing. Maybe a shed.

Mortgage Fees

Why is it some mortgages carry 'booking fees' and others don't? And perhaps more crucially, why do they cost sums like 499GBP or 999GBP. How can banks justify the charge? What's it for? Someone enters a few details on the computer and you charge nearly a grand for it? What is it about the mortgages that don't have fees compared to those that do? It seems the lower the interest rate on the mortgage, the higher the fee. A back door way for banks to recoup some money methinks. Remind me again why so many people don't like banks?

Now that Stamp Duty has gone, fees have risen to the top of my list of annoying things about buying a house. When I finally get around to arranging a mortgage, I'm going to refuse to pay any fees. If my bank doesn't like it, I'm moving all my accounts and savings the hell out of there and into a bank that's a bit more reasonable.

Getting Started

Sometimes I wish I hadn't read any books about the house buying process. There's so much crap to go through. So much needless expense. So many people needing paying. So much reliance on the honesty, decency and trustworthiness of other people. So much plain hassle. So much so, I'm putting off taking the plunge for as long as I can.

Second Homes

How do people afford these? I know they're usually cheaper than the first home, but with current prices so high, that's not saying much. Maybe I should buy a cheaper second home first, then buy my main home???

Shared Ownership

The question is should you do it? Or are you better off getting a full-on mortgage? Can't get shared ownership on every house, so that's an immediate downfall. And the ones you can seem to be new-build flats, not exactly what I'm looking for. But I think it's a good idea. And if my circumstances were different, I'd consider it.

Now, a shared mortgage, in which the government pays half of it, 'cos they're nice like that' ? That's something I could deal with. They're sharing running the country at the moment, why not share my mortgage? It's good to share, share and share alike (further sharing cliches omitted).

Will I Be Better Off Under Cleggeron?

Ah, a coalition. Hopefully they'll keep the stamp duty out. But I'll be moderately interested to see what they do to help first time buyers. Whether they force banks to lend on better terms.

Appreciate it's not going to be a top priority. Both the lads seem to have fairly nice abodes, if the TV pictures beamed across the nation from camera crews parked outside their places are anything to go by.

How long before sellers realise?

I've been looking for properties for a few months now. And there are still homes for sale now that I looked at back then. How long do obstinate sellers wait before they realise that the reason why their property hasn't shifted is because it's vastly over-priced? Just knock off 20 grand and I might come round and have a look...

Absolutely shocking valuation

I was takenaback today after receiving email details about a property. It's right next door to a property I viewed back in February. One of the smallest, dingiest houses I've ever set foot in. They were asking 190k for it. I wouldn't have given them half that. But now their next door neighbours have put their pad on the market at, wait for it, over 230k. Nothing short of a fecking disgrace. Anyone who offers them anywhere near that amount for it needs their head, torso and toenails examining.

Caravan For Sale

There's one in one of the areas I've been looking at. Looks decent enough. Must say I never thought there were caravans in that particular area, or that they'd turn up anywhere other than in a holiday brochure. I wonder of there's a swimming pool and communal showers nearby...

Big Houses

There's a lot of these about. But surely not everyone who lives in one earns shedloads. They must have bought when prices were a lot lot lower. Just ten years ago, you could pick up a pretty decent pad for £150,000. £200,000 would have got you a very respectable residence. As Cher once sang - if I could turn back time...

Empty house?

There's a des res in central London right now that could be available for someone to move in straight away. Previous owner is making plans to ship on out.

It's a sizeable residence in an exclusive, very secure location. Parking's a bit limited out front, but there's a decent sized garden. Price on arrival.

Estate Agents Must Think I've Come Into Some Money

Keep getting sent details of houses that are out of my price range. Several tens of thousands out of my price range. And very nice they are too. Sadly that lottery win still eludes...

Chimneys

A tell tale sign that your house is old. That there won't be an en-suite. That there'll be carpet inside, or recently installed laminate flooring. That the rooms will be quite big. That there'll be no shiny silver towel rails. That the boiler will be a complicated mess. That there'll be a fireplace, without its original features.

That'll be the kind of place I'll have to buy then.

Renting Not As Appealing As It Was Yesterday

The wind's blowing in a different direction today, and the idea of renting doesn't smell so sweet as it did yesterday. I've lined other pockets enough in my time by renting other people's property. Gonna have to take the plunge at some point. Even though for the first five years, I'll largely be paying some pin-stripe suits interest on the loans they'll so very kindly afford a man in my position. I'm still focused on getting a mortgage, but it's gonna be July before I have a decent enough deposit. So the chances of me being in my first house by September are a lot slimmer than my 40-year-old waistline.

Renting Rears It Less Ugly Head

My aversion to mortgages just won't go away. And with so little choice out there, and such very high interest rates, I'm seriously considering abandoning my plans to get a mortgage and to rent for a while. I point blank refuse to pay 6% interest when the Bank of England rate is just 0.5%. Banks can f*ck right off. And some even put a £1000 fee on top of that. Now that really is taking the p!ss.

Financial Bloke On Telly Advises People To Pay Off Mortgages As Quickly As Possible

Is this the kind of inspired insight we have to pay Financial Advisors for?

Is there anyone out there who thinks, well I could pay off my mortgage now, but I'll leave it twenty years just so more of my money can line the pockets of bankers charging extortionate interest rates.

Bricks And Mortar Bombs

Surely the area in which a house is located is the number one factor when choosing one. Location. Location. Location. So important, they named a TV show after it.

Yet, every time an Estate Agent calls me, I have to listen to them wax lyrical about the quality of the abode, and then have to ask them where the property is.

Just start out by telling me where it is. And if it sounds like somewhere that could be the venue for a riot anytime soon, I'll save your time and mine by saying I'm not interested there and then.

You could be trying to sell me a palace. But if it ain't where I wanna live, you ain't gonna get a sale.

Sellers Set To Outnumber Buyers

Word on the street, avenue, glade, cul de sac, wherever, is that this year's going to see the number of sellers overtake the number of buyers.

As a novice at this house hunting malarkey, I've no idea if that's a good thing, or if that will drive down prices. Maybe it'll make it a buyer's market, a phrase I've heard banded about but have no idea what it means. Maybe it means I can offer sellers a lower price as there'll be fewer people putting in offers.

It's all ifs, buts and maybes (actually that was the first 'but' of the post, but there were some ifs and maybes).

Terraced House Overload

It's hardly worth me checking the floorplans of places I can afford. I know before I even look what they'll be.

A door that generally opens straight into a lounge which is separated from the dining area by a staircase steeper than some parts of Everest. And off the back of this dining area, a kitchen, usually with a bog attached and a strip of green beyond that which passes for a garden.

Up those steep steps is a door either side, leading on to similar-sized bedrooms.

And that's all you can get for £200k - £240k where I'm looking.

Pah! Pathetic...

At least they're having a go

I'm not even an HSBC customer, but I have to say they are doing their best to offer mortgage hunters new and interesting deals.

A wrap around in tonight's London rag is evidence of that. Yes, you needed an 80% deposit to get anywhere with it, but even so, fair play to them.

Seems the rest of the banks (including my own) don't know what to do with themselves. Or worse still, they have nothing to offer.

Er, hello... Any new mortgages out there?

So... as we're allegedly emerging from the recession, I'd have thought by now that more banks would have tabled better mortgage deals, designed to help first time buyers like me get on that so-called ladder.

From what I've seen, only HSBC have bothered, and their offer is only valid until tomorrow. What about the other banks? You gonna pull your fingers out and present us with a decent, fair deal that doesn't require upwards of a 20% deposit?

Hello? Knock. Knock. Tap. Tap. Echo. Echo. Silence.

[Tumbleweed rolls by]

Exeunt.

Narrowed Down

Think I've narrowed down the area in which I can afford to live and want to live. There are several roads that fall into this area, each with the kind of 2-bed, small garden, terrace houses I can afford.

It's the subtle differences that'll seal the deal, I reckon. A parking space would be nice. An upstairs bathroom would be preferred. And a price south of £200k would be very nice indeed.

Oh, and a secret, underground swimming pool, sauna and three-bed luxury basement apartment would be welcomed with open arms and an open wallet...

Lively market

Certainly seems to be more houses coming up for consideration.

But it's not that there's loads more ones I like.

Totally gone off maisonettes. Why pay so much for what amounts to half a house?

They look good in the photos, but not so much when you realise half of it ain't yours.

Let's hope a few more banks do an HSBC and come up with a decent first time buyer mortgage.

I.E. At least 85% allowed to be borrowed. No fees. And no ridiculous interest rate.

I'm not holding my breath.

Newspaper Property Sections

I don't why I bother, but I am fascinated by these.

Features on impossibly posh houses, with the odd one on a 1-bed flat.

Row after row of properties for sale under Estate Agents' banners, about 2% of which I might be able to afford. The rest I'd have to live and work until I was 126 before I could rustle together a 10% deposit.

Still, it's always nice to have a nose around someone else's yard and dream 'one day, maybe one day...'

The lure of the countryside

There's always a temptation to up sticks and just move to the country.

You get more for your money, housewise, but a longer commute.

But what if that dream country home turns into a mare? What if the locals drive you away with pitchforks for being townsfolk?

What if there's no running water or flowing electricity? What if some bizarre cult has been holding ritual sacrifices on your land for centuries and you can't stop them carrying on, else you'll be the next victim?

The town it is for me then.

Just Over The Budget Borderline

It seems just a few grand north of my budget lies a range of houses that would really appeal.

3 bedroom jobbies. With decent gardens. Off-road parking. In areas that are fairly decent.

Maybe this is a case of me peering over the neighbour's fence and wishing I lived somewhere like them.

But for an extra 20 grand, it seems I'd open up a whole new world of property opportunity. Time to crack open the piggy bank and forage down the back of the sofa.

Prices creeping up?

There doesn't seem to be any fall in asking prices.

Even the properties I saved online a few months ago that still haven't sold, haven't had their prices reduced.

The fact they're not going down is getting me down.

The fact they're creeping up is getting right up my nose.

Who'd have thought people would attach such value to having a roof over their head, their car parked right outisde their lounge window, and their stinky bathroom next to their kitchen?

Spring bounce in housing market?

Does the weather really affect when people look for houses?

Seems the better the weather the higher the sales.

But when it's nice out, nosing around inside other people's property that I can barely afford isn't my idea of fun.

Misrepresentation

There's a few houses that get offered as being in one area, when anyone with a little local knowledge knows they're in a completely different area.

It's an obvious tactic. No one's gonna take a look at a house in an area they don't like. But by stretching the truth a little, not to mention a few postcode boundaries, you might get the odd stray looking at details they otherwise wouldn't.

Me, I just find it annoying. I look at price first, main photo second, then map. If it's in an area I don't like, it's game over. Simple as. And if I've been deliberately misled about the location, I growl a little.

10 years before most can afford first home

Another snippet of news I picked up somewhere today. Again, hardly a surprise.

I've served my ten years and have saved a bit during that time - enough for a deposit on a modest 2-bed terrace, assuming I find one for around £200,000.

But I never had a problem with renting. Never felt a desperate need to own my er... own place.

i guess all good things come to an end. Alack, it's time for my rent boy days to end!

More sellers than buyers

So said some online news report I read earlier today.

Well, it's hardly surprising.

Sellers are expecting to make as much, if not more on a house they bought when house prices were at their peak.

These people need a wake-up call. Either knock 20 grand off your asking price, or take your house off the market for a couple of years. You're not going to get what you want for it.

If you want to keep it on the market, expect people like me to put in offers that are at least 10% under your asking price.

The Best Is Back

The best house I've seen so far is back on the market.

Despite recently being labelled Sold STC. The arse obviously fell out of that deal.

That said, the house remains at the top end of my budget.

Have viewed it. Liked it. Wanted it.

But with a reasonable mortgage rate yet to be offered by anyone (except HSBC) it's unlikely I'll be making a move for this one anytime soon.

Not so Grand National

House hunting has meant I've had to ease up on the occasional betting I do.

Including the nags. Now, when it comes to the Grand National, I bet on the same number horse every year. Usually 20 quid on the nose.

But this year I thought I'd better be a bit more responsible. So I only bet a fiver each way on it.

And yes, the number I bet on every year is 6.

If only...

One of the Estate Agents I've registered with has sent me a property which they believe suits my requirements.

It's a nice house in a fairly good area. Only problem? The asking price is over £35,000 above my maximum.

What are they playing at, dangling such carrots before my eyes? Is this a deliberate tactic to make me save harder. To sacrifice another night out? To forego a Pret lunch for a Sainos?

Cos if it is, it's working. 99p Egg Sandwiches ain't that bad.

The New Furniture Quandry

I know I'm going to have to move soon. I also know I desperately need some new furniture.

However, anything new I buy is effectively going to cost me two lots of money.

Firstly, the original purchase price. Secondly, the added cost of having it moved.

I shall have to sit at my new dining table and weigh up the pros and cons...

The green green grass of someone else's home.

There's never going to be total agreement when there's two people involved in choosing where to move.

But I have to say from what I've seen, the quality of a house goes down if you're looking for one with a garden stuck to the end of it.

I could get a pretty decent flat for the money I'm looking to spend. But a garden is pretty essential, given I've got dogs. So that rules out almost every flat, except ground floor ones with gardens, or those with a decent-sized balcony.

There's a property come up today. A flat. 2-bed. Ground floor. With patio. All in an area I wouldn't mind living in. Worth further investigation methinks... dunno if the other half would concur...

Too much

That's at the root of the problem.

Houses are too expensive. So are flats. Maisonettes. Even hovels cost over £150,000.

Some of the values people slap on their houses are a disgrace.

But what makes it worse is the people who buy them for such over-inflated sums.

And I may be one of those people in a few months' time.

Removals

Not the big man and big van type. Removals in the sense of houses you've saved as a favourite online being removed from your list.

Normally means they've been sold. I always get a little pang in the gut. Like I've missed an opportunity. Like there's a house I quite liked gone to someone else. Like there's somewhere I'll never live.

Got to keep believing there's something good out there. But recently I've had more properties removed from my list of favourites than I've added. Hmmm.

Half decent

As I perused a local freebie yesterday, I happened upon an ad for mortgages, targeted at first time buyers. A rare sighting indeed.

First time I've seen such a beast in all the time I've been house-hunting.

Turns out this beast, which did offer the best rates I've seen for just a 10% deposit, is an elusive one.

For a check of the print that was a bit smaller than the rest of the small print, revealed that the beast was due to return to its hideout somewhere deep in the house hunting jungle in just a few weeks time. Maybe to never be seen again.

Sadly, I won't be able to move quick enough to catch this beast. But I hope to see it again, or others of its kind, sometime soon.

Who was offering it? Here's Saturday's Big Clue.

NIMBY

Where and when I move, I don't want to be overlooked by all and sundry in my back yard.

And I don't want the seemingly obligatory barbecue set rusting away in a corner.

I don't really need a shed for wasps to nest in.

And grass or decking, I don't mind either or neither.

Cos I doubt I'll be spending much time out there.

Not in my back yard.

No news is... no news

There's nothing doing.

No new properties that float my boat.

No new money that expands my options.

No new ban on charging more than £200,000 for a 2-bed house.

No nothing.

London house prices rise faster than ever?

Eh? That's what it says in the local rag.

Who's buying these houses - Tristan Farquahr Watshis Double-barrel surname face?

If everyone digs their heels in and doesn't buy until prices come down, we might get somewhere.

I might get somewhere. In south London. With 3 bedrooms. Off-road parking. And an upstairs bathroom.

Thankyouplease.

UK hit by mortgage approval slowdown

No sh!t

It's hardly surprising given the paucity of reasonable mortgages on offer.

I can get about three, all with interest rates of over 4% above the base rate.

Oooo. Oooo. Where do I sign?

Clock's Ticking...

As March moves into April, the clock's go forward and winter thinks about letting spring get a look in, the reality is I haven't got anywhere.

Haven't arranged a viewing for weeks. Because I haven't seen a property worth viewing for weeks.

I have failed to win the lottery, except for a tenner a few weeks back, so my budget remains annoyingly limited.

Gonna have to pull my finger out in April and see what happens. Finger's crossed I see something I like. (Note to self: fingers can only be crossed after finger has been pulled out.)

New Enthusiasm Short-Lived

It didn't last.

I got interested in house hunting again for 48 hours, but now I'm taking it for granted that I won't be paying stamp duty.

I have an extra 2 grand to play with. But I won't be juggling it in the air, or slotting it into my Wii. And unfortunately it doesn't mean I can expand my search to cover 5 bedroom, detatched premises with a double garage and more en suite bathrooms than bedrooms.

Yep, saving two grand hasn't made me feel too grand.

Kindly Reminders

The day after the morning before.

And just in case I hadn't heard, many an estate agent was quick to inform me that the axe had fallen on stamp duty and beheaded the nasty little tax just below the Adam's Apple.

I didn't reply and tell them, yes I knew that, mainly because they were those kind of emails that they tell you not to reply to as the inbox isn't monitored.

Stamp Duty Stamped Out

Wahey!

Great news in the UK budget today.

The pointless, ancient tax of 1% on the price of a house has been abolished for properties under £250,000.

That's gonna save me a couple of grand when I do buy, so I treated myself to an extra spoonful of ice cream tonight.

Still got to find a house, but a tax that had nothing to do with stamps, and had no sense of duty is no more a thorn in my house hunting side.

Eyebrows Raised Slightly

A more positive start to the week, this one.

A couple of properties have interested me enough to get my eyebrows to move north and add a few crinkles to my already furrowed brow.

One a flat. Top floor with a ma-hooosive balcony.

The other, a regular terraced house, or 'period cottage' as they seem to be called.

Now, to me, a cottage is detached, with an expansive front and rear garden, surrounded by a quaint, white picket fence and chirping birds in a tree. Whatever the period.

This had none of those features. It was just cottage-sized.

Small then.

House Envy

There's nothing like a trip into the country on a train to make you green with jealousy at some of the houses people live in.

You can glimpse the back gardens of the mansions with two conservatories.

Stare in awe at the huge houses with a 200ft long gardens, and a canal at the end of it for good measure.

Sure there's a few hell holes along the way, with windows and balconies that look over the trainline.

But we can't all live in stately homes.

Estate Agents III - Part II

Got a call from one today.

Sunday afternoon.

Hardly prime house-hunting time.

But at least they haven't forgotten about me.

Bless.

Estate Agents III

Are they all on holiday?

Have I frightened them off?

I haven't received a single call (or answerphone message) all week.

Maybe they've got fed up with me not returning their calls (though I have returned many).

Maybe there's no decent new properties to flog.

Maybe they're as bored as I am of this house-hunting malarkey.

Retirement Apartments

Now, most of these look very nice, I must say.

Often new, purpose-built flats.

And most seem reasonably priced, certainly a lot cheaper than other flats.

And you get a manager who you can call if you get stuck on the toilet or something.

All I have to do is wait 20-odd years then. By then I should have saved enough to buy one out-right.

Steady trickle

Rather like an unnecessary urination, I'm receiving a steady, if uninteresting flow of properties to consider via the various websites I've signed up to.

And rather like a urination that lasts too long, I'm getting fed up of being offered maisonettes and small houses that have been converted into two flats. But sadly I can't delete them from my search preferences as I may miss out on a decent purpose-built flat.

I realise none of the above bear any resemblance to urination. I'm just getting p!ssed off with the moribund properties that are available within my price range. That's all.

Maybe I'll be in a more positive mood tomorrow.

Wee live in hope.

Haven't Got Anywhere

Over a month into the house hunt and I'm no nearer finding anywhere.

I haven't even really come close to putting in an offer for anywhere.

Because I haven't been blown away by anywhere.

So there.

Banks A Million

I'd just like to thank my bank for doing what they said they'd do and phone me up to see how my house hunting was getting on.

Oh, wait a minute. They haven't phoned.

Nor have they improved their poor range of mortgages on offer to anyone with less than a 20% deposit.

They have, however, kept the interest rates on most their savings accounts as nought point something very small per cent.

Thanks a million.

Vacant Possession Obsession

I can't drive down a street now without looking out for estate agents' boards.

Boards saying For Sale. To Let. Sold. Under Offer. Vacant Possession. It doesn't matter. I'll have a look.

Boards in areas I can afford, don't like, can't afford or would never dream of living.

Boards from estate agents I've been in touch with, never heard of, or studiously avoided.

I think it all means I'm getting board of househunting.

Auctions

Here's a thing.

My normal saved preferences on the website have thrown up a house that's up for auction. 6 reception rooms, 5 bedrooms and 5 bathrooms.

Now, I'm an optimistic kind of guy, but for me to land a property like that on my budget, no one else can turn up for the auction, or if I start the bidding, everyone else needs to lose their tongue and both their hands.

Going? Going? Actually, I won't be going to this auction.

Non-movers move

Ah.

Seems some of the non-movers I thought would be still hanging around in the summer have been sold.

Well, I'd like to blame an unpredictable market, the relative strength of the pound, the Suez canal crisis of the 50s and the guy who cuts my dogs' hair.

Proves how little I know about houses, and even worse, proves there's people out there prepared to pay over the odds for some bricks and mortar (with a fair bit of glass and wood thrown in for windows and floors).

Old Houses

How ridiculous are some of these?

No en suite bathrooms (and sometimes no bathroom unless you go outside).

Crooked walls. Kitchens that are miles from the living room. Tiny windows.

And perhaps strangest of all, bedrooms that you can actually fit a double bed in.

Crazy.

Only 10% in London can afford first home.

So says the local evening newspaper*.

Not enough new houses are being built. (Those that are have tiny rooms in my experience).

Deposits now cost over 60% of the average annual salary. Was less than a third that a few years back.

Sobering figures. Not that I've been drinking. Can't afford it.

*SOURCE: Evening Standard

Leasehold or Freehold?

It's not enough that you have to look at which area a property is in, how old it is, how many bedrooms it has, is there a garden, is there off-road parking, are developers planning to bulldoze the block and build a swimming pool?

Oh no, just to add to the confusion, you have to see whether it's offered as freehold or leasehold.

What's the deal with the latter?

I can understand it with flats, where several people occupy dwellings on the same piece of land. But all houses should be freehold. If I buy a house on a piece of land, I should own the land to the core of the Earth, and not pay some faceless third party.

And why go charging me extra for freehold? Or varying the length of freehold from 99 to 999 years? It's my land until I decide to sell the house that's built on it, and when I sell, even if I'm 1,001 years old, I'll sell the land too. Simple.

But of course the words 'simple' and 'buying a house' are strangers to each other.

For Sale? Or not For Sale?

That is the question on many a home owner's mind I expect.

It's this not knowing the best time to take the plunge and put your house on the market that's causing a dearth of good new properties for first timers like me to choose from.

These are indeed shaky times. One week prices on the up. The next on the down.

If I'm ever to own a pile of bricks on a piece of land in a town, city, or perchance hamlet on this mortal coil, we need to get some stability from somewhere.

Alack, poor Yorick, I know not from whence that will come.

Non-movers

Like an obstinate turd that you need to beat with a brush before it'll vacate your toilet, there are some properties that have been on my saved properties list online since I started searching a couple of months ago.

The owners can't shift them, and no one wants to buy them simply because they don't represent good value for money.

I have no intention of viewing any of them until the vendors see sense and reduce the asking price.

And in each case, that needs to come down by at least fifteen grand.

Otherwise these homes (none of which have a turd bedroom by the way) will be hanging around like bad smells, well into the summer.

The Little Tempter

Got emailed another of these today.

A property that's a few grand over the top end of my budget, but clearly better than anything within my budget.

I have rummaged down the back of the sofa. Checked every trouser pocket. I even opted for a sandwich from a Sainos instead of Pret.

But to no avail. I still can't save enough to afford it.

The little tempter remains a big no-no.

Multi-media

Not content with offering me properties via websites, emails, phone calls, carrier pigeons and smoke signals, today I received one of those old-fashioned letters through my letter box from an estate agent.

Therein, a short covering letter and a colour print out of a house they were confident I'd be interested in.

A flagrant waste of printer ink and postage. Why open this new front? Why mount this pincer attack?

Do they think seeing a print out will sway my decision?

Alack, it did not.

Sleeping On It

There's nothing like a visit to the land of nod to focus the mind and come to a decision about a house you like.

Last night, having viewed a decent house with a couple of half-decent pints of lager inside me, I may well have taken the plunge.

I was close to putting in an offer on a house that's teetering on the precipice of my affordability cliff, if you can imagine such a thing.

In the mild light of a spring morning, things have a different slant. It's too expensive. I'd rather pay for more space than all the luxurious features and fittings that were pushing up the asking price of the pad in question.

So the search goes on in my waking hours. While the decision-making continues to happen in my sleep.

Builders' Arms

Oh, to be a builder in this housing game.

To be able to take the bare bones of a house and re-skin it. Spruce up its vital organs.

Adding thousands to its value and making it look a masterpiece.

I can't even put up a shelf.

That's why I need a house that's had the skill and attention of a builder's arms.

Viewed one tonight. Top end of my budget. But top quality.

I repaired to a pub (not called The Builders Arms, sadly) to deliberate.

Hmmmm.

Estate Agents II

'It's a lovely house,' he said. 'But where is it?' I said.

'It's got an upstairs bathroom,' he said. 'Where's the location?' I said.

'And a fantastic kitchen/diner,' he said. 'That's nice,' I said. 'And where is it?'

'In one of the locations you specifically said you didn't want to live' he didn't say.

But I knew.

How The Other Half Live

If I lived in the top half of England, chances are I'd have found somewhere by now.

Up there, there's more room. So houses are more reasonably priced.

A quarter of a million quid gets you a house that, well, looks like it's worth a quarter of a million quid.

With a garden. And a private parking space. And an upstairs bathroom.

The bottom half of the country is overcrowded. Houses are over-priced.

A quarter of a million doesn't get you much.

Now, I've never done anything by halves, but right now I'm wishing I had half a million to spend.

Maybe then I could get a half decent home in the bottom half of the country.

Sick Of Buildings Syndrome

I think this has set in.

Getting jaded of clicking on little pictures of houses or flats that are overpriced, or under offer.

Have had my fill of viewing ok houses in poor locations. And poor houses in ok locations.

Haven't added anything new to my Saved Properties all week.

A 3-bed house with garden, allocated parking in a nice area is what the doctor ordered.

All the above for under £180,000 is what I'd like to order.

Money Money Money

A lot of my time is currently being spent on money.

Thinking about it. Saving it. Thinking some more. Saving a bit less.

Have I got enough for my deposit? For stamp duty? For solicitors' fees?

Will I have any left when I move in? In case the roof falls in or the boiler blows up.

Shall I do another line on the lottery this week? You know, just in case.

Must be funny in a rich man's world. Sadly, it's not a bundle of laughs in mine at the moment.

Hunting

With a fair while to go before I need to move, I wouldn't say my quest for a house is a full-on 'hunt' at the moment.

More a ramble in the woods, peeking through the branches at what's on the horizon. Dipping my walking-booted and sensible-socked toes into little puddles of rain water along the way.

Up ahead, I sense there's a dense forest with thorny branches and a fair few wolves waiting to jump out on me.

But for now. I'm happy meandering through the undergrowth.

I don't know where this analogy is going, so I'll stop it here.

Estate Agents

Well, it's about time they got a mention.

So far, I've been unable to tarnish any of them with the same brush, as so often happens to these easy targets of ridicule.

One turned up with the wrong keys. Another turned up with the right keys but the wrong technique and couldn't get into the house for ten minutes. Yet another didn't turn up until after the vendor had shown me round.

One was like wallpaper as I looked around the house. Another like a yapping mutt, snapping at my heels.

So far I must conclude that not all estate agents are the same. Now there's a turn up for someone's books.

Floorplans

Have seen a fair few floorplans recently.

Or should that be flawplans?

Because some of them have had mistakes. Like rooms with no doors. Houses with no gardens. Kitchens with bathrooms attached to them (pet hate).

Other plans are too small to see when you double click on the website. And some are so big you fear the diagram may be actual size.

But one caught my eye recently. A 2-bed terrace house had a floorplan with one of the five tiny rooms labelled 'Drawing Room'. A drawing room? In a house that small?

The cheek of it nearly floored me.

Smells

All homes smell of something.

I viewed a house yesterday that smelled of damp. The agent had a document at the ready that said something about it not being damp but condensation. But my nasal hairs disagreed, and not wanting to appear condescending, I left the property.

Earlier, I'd viewed a home that smelled of cake. This vendor had clearly done their homework. And the icing on the cake smell was it was a pretty decent-sized house.

Not too sure about the location location location though. Or the price.

That stank.

Asking Prices

Ha ha ha.

Some of them are laughable.

Especially as now you can check Zoopla and see what was paid for what and when.

Saw an OK flat today.

But the asking price is 50, yes, 50 grand higher than the price a similar house in the same road sold for just before Christmas.

Ho ho ho.

Stamp Duty

Grrrrrrrrr

One of the main reasons I'm nearly forty and haven't bought a house before.

[Swear words]

Web Search

It's not about the pictures of the property that are there. It's the ones that aren't.

No exterior shot? Mmm. Must be above a McDonalds. Or look like the Psycho house.

No floorplan? Mmm. To get to the kitchen you have to go through a bedroom and bathroom.

'Awaiting Image'? The place is condemned.

Lotto

The lottery has taken on greater significance recently, now that I know I need to get together a deposit.

I'm not after a big win, you understand. But if only...three... four... five of my numbers came up (and the bonus ball) I might be able to widen my house search.

Three of my numbers came up last night.

My house search remains depressingly narrow.

Flats v Houses

I haven't heard rain dropping like pills on the roof since I left home some 15 years ago.

It's been flats for me ever since. Never higher than the second floor either.

It's not that I fear a staircase, shudder at an upstairs floorboard creaking or dread a leaking roof. It's just that I haven't seen a house I like that I can afford.

Viewed a flat tonight that I like. Can't afford it.

Viewings

I can't do any after work viewings until next week, I told him. Definitely not. Too busy.

I have my first viewing after work. Tomorrow.

They can be persuasive these Estate Agents.

Mortgage Advice

Went to my bank today. To see how much I could (beg) borrow. Not much doing if you've only got a 10% deposit they said. A bit more doing if you can get 15% they said.

Yeah, but how much are you gonna lend me?

Couldn't see what sort of numbers were being tapped into the computer, but the number that came out the other end was 20,000 higher than I was expecting. Not sure if that's good or bad news.

The Downstairs Bathroom

A lot of the 'houses' in my price range boast the downstairs bathroom. At the back. Next to the kitchen.

What's that all about?

I have been known to generate a noise and odour or two in a bathroom. Not sure how well that will go down when the girlfriend is adding the finishing touches to a duck al orange or whatever it is.

Renting

Renters have their dissenters. Some say rental is mental (not sure you can say that anymore). But renting won't put a big dent in your wallet. Boiler not boiling? Phone the landlord. Lights not lighting? Phone the landlord. Dishwasher not dishwashing? Phone the... what's not to like?

Mortgage Calculators

How big a mortgage can I afford?

The sixty four thousand dollar question.

If only it was.

Sadly, in south London, where I'm looking to move, it's more like a two hundred thousand quid question. I've been putting that rotund number into several of these online mortgage calculators and have yet to like any of the answers.