The spectre of higher SVRs

SVRs are Standard Variable Rates, apparently, and Lloyds Bank are about to up theirs because they need to make more money out of their mortgage lending, according to this BBC report. Well, at least they're honest, but it's just another reason why I despise mortgages. A long, long term commitment in which the lender can screw you for more money pretty much any time they want.

September Ain't Gonna Happen

There's no way I'll be moving by my original deadline. The hoped-for price crash hasn't materialised. Banks have consistently failed to offer decent first time buyer interest rates. And I've not been blown away by any houses in my price range (though I suspect some of those houses have been blown away, they're so small).

Can't see any light at the end of the tunnel (can't see any tunnel, to be fair). Now's a case of waiting and hoping that there'll be so few other buyers out there for the rest of the year, that someone will be so desperate to sell their home, they'll do so for a reasonable price. Yeah, right.

Someone Died In That House

I think vendors should make more of an effort to disguise houses which have come onto the market due to the death of the previous occupant.

That means throwing out that old armchair with the pointy upper corners. Dumping the age old cooker with stains from the seventies. Trashing the carpet with a pattern so loud the neighbours bang on the wall demanding for it to be turned down. And tidying up the overgrown garden.

And while you're at it, knock twenty grand off the asking price too, as it's going to take at least that much to make it inhabitable for twenty first centurians.

Fed Up Of Emailing Me

Got an automatically generated email from an estate agent today that listed the number of emails they've sent me and the number of housing viewings I've had with them as a result.

The figures were something like: Emails Sent: 150. Viewings: 0.

Now, it's not costing them anything to send me those emails, and I am looking at them. But nearly all the emails they send me feature the same five or six properties. And they're still over-priced. So maybe, don't keep sending me info about houses you've already sent me info about...

Conveyancing Quote

Don't like the word 'conveyancing' really, but that's neither here nor there. What is both here and there is the fact that I mistakenly filled in a few boxes on a website to see how much a conveyancing quote would cost. I expected a couple of hundred quid. Not the grand or so I was faced with. (It was actually three grand but that included the now 'irrelevant-to-me' stamp duty.)

What's clear to me is that the whole housebuying process is riddled with chancers trying to screw as much as they can out of people who want to make an investment for the future. A grand for some bloke to look a wall or two up and down for a few minutes then jot some hieroglyphics on a clipboard?

When the time comes, I'll be keeping a close eye on my conveyancer, making sure he earns his corn. And yes, I will try to pay him with corn.

HIPs replaced by PropertyFest

Seems the demise of the HIPs document has spurred a lot of sellers into action. There seem to be loads more homes to choose from this week, the likes of which I've not seen since I started househunting. Even the odd 3-bed with upstairs bathroom, sneaking in to my price range - just.

Cut expensive and unnecessary paperwork out of the process and this is what happens. Imagine what would happen if someone could cut expensive and unnecessary mortgage fees out of the process too...

By the way, I reckon I can squeeze a few more HIPs puns out yet...

Houseboats

Some of these look interesting. A riverside dwelling for the price of a caravan. There must be some catches. You probably get picked on mercilessly by landlocked neighbours. Returning home from a night out on the sauce would have to be carefully negotiated. And it'd help to be a strong swimmer I guess.

The more I think about it, the less this kind of home floats my boat.

Mortgage Borrowing Recovering. Mortgage Lending Down.

News stories carrying these headlines ran a few days apart last week. Now, to me they contradict each other. Buying a house is confusing enough without these kind of riddles appearing. Is it a good time to buy? A bad time? Not only do have I no idea, but I suspect the so-called experts are in the same boat.

Gimme A Garden

Twenty-plus degrees C outside. Unbroken blue sky. It's days like these you need a garden. And it's days like these where paying that little extra for some outside space all seems worth it. Thing is, how many days like this do we get every year?

HIPS Given The Elbow

Doesn't really affect me as I've nothing to sell, but I can imagine the suspension of these painfully expensive documents is a godsend for many vendors. Seemed totally unnecessary to me. It's not like buying/selling a house isn't packed with enough hassle and expense. These just added another layer of complication and cash outlay. They'll not be missed I suspect.

Ex-council houses

My word, there's a lot of these up for sale. And none are appealing.

A turgid dark brown colour. Dominated by irrelevant chimneys. Out-dated white window frames. And front gardens that look like havens for stray dog turds.

Many have been converted into even less appealing maisonettes. And you're never sure of the quality of the neighbourhood, nor the friendliness of your neighbours. I'm sure they're all very nice. But I'll pass.

Renting Pt II

A lot of people see renting as simply paying off someone else's mortgage. Which, of course, is accurate. But I always see it as a way of ensuring you only pay a fixed sum each month on where you live. None of this, oops there goes two grand cos my boiler's blown up. Or damn, those window frames need replacing. There goes another grand. Renting gives you stability, not to mention lack of responsibility. Which is always nice.

Sold Prices Websites

These websites that let you see how much properties are selling for are a good idea. And a bad one. Good in that you can see how much similar properties in the area you're looking at have sold for. It gives you plenty of ammo to moan at the asking prices some vendors have the cheek to set.

But the sites can be depressing. Especially if you look back a decade and see how much homes were going for then. £100K would have got me a very respectable pad. Now? £100K gets you nothing. Maybe a shed.

Mortgage Fees

Why is it some mortgages carry 'booking fees' and others don't? And perhaps more crucially, why do they cost sums like 499GBP or 999GBP. How can banks justify the charge? What's it for? Someone enters a few details on the computer and you charge nearly a grand for it? What is it about the mortgages that don't have fees compared to those that do? It seems the lower the interest rate on the mortgage, the higher the fee. A back door way for banks to recoup some money methinks. Remind me again why so many people don't like banks?

Now that Stamp Duty has gone, fees have risen to the top of my list of annoying things about buying a house. When I finally get around to arranging a mortgage, I'm going to refuse to pay any fees. If my bank doesn't like it, I'm moving all my accounts and savings the hell out of there and into a bank that's a bit more reasonable.

Getting Started

Sometimes I wish I hadn't read any books about the house buying process. There's so much crap to go through. So much needless expense. So many people needing paying. So much reliance on the honesty, decency and trustworthiness of other people. So much plain hassle. So much so, I'm putting off taking the plunge for as long as I can.

Second Homes

How do people afford these? I know they're usually cheaper than the first home, but with current prices so high, that's not saying much. Maybe I should buy a cheaper second home first, then buy my main home???

Shared Ownership

The question is should you do it? Or are you better off getting a full-on mortgage? Can't get shared ownership on every house, so that's an immediate downfall. And the ones you can seem to be new-build flats, not exactly what I'm looking for. But I think it's a good idea. And if my circumstances were different, I'd consider it.

Now, a shared mortgage, in which the government pays half of it, 'cos they're nice like that' ? That's something I could deal with. They're sharing running the country at the moment, why not share my mortgage? It's good to share, share and share alike (further sharing cliches omitted).

Will I Be Better Off Under Cleggeron?

Ah, a coalition. Hopefully they'll keep the stamp duty out. But I'll be moderately interested to see what they do to help first time buyers. Whether they force banks to lend on better terms.

Appreciate it's not going to be a top priority. Both the lads seem to have fairly nice abodes, if the TV pictures beamed across the nation from camera crews parked outside their places are anything to go by.

How long before sellers realise?

I've been looking for properties for a few months now. And there are still homes for sale now that I looked at back then. How long do obstinate sellers wait before they realise that the reason why their property hasn't shifted is because it's vastly over-priced? Just knock off 20 grand and I might come round and have a look...

Absolutely shocking valuation

I was takenaback today after receiving email details about a property. It's right next door to a property I viewed back in February. One of the smallest, dingiest houses I've ever set foot in. They were asking 190k for it. I wouldn't have given them half that. But now their next door neighbours have put their pad on the market at, wait for it, over 230k. Nothing short of a fecking disgrace. Anyone who offers them anywhere near that amount for it needs their head, torso and toenails examining.

Caravan For Sale

There's one in one of the areas I've been looking at. Looks decent enough. Must say I never thought there were caravans in that particular area, or that they'd turn up anywhere other than in a holiday brochure. I wonder of there's a swimming pool and communal showers nearby...

Big Houses

There's a lot of these about. But surely not everyone who lives in one earns shedloads. They must have bought when prices were a lot lot lower. Just ten years ago, you could pick up a pretty decent pad for £150,000. £200,000 would have got you a very respectable residence. As Cher once sang - if I could turn back time...

Empty house?

There's a des res in central London right now that could be available for someone to move in straight away. Previous owner is making plans to ship on out.

It's a sizeable residence in an exclusive, very secure location. Parking's a bit limited out front, but there's a decent sized garden. Price on arrival.

Estate Agents Must Think I've Come Into Some Money

Keep getting sent details of houses that are out of my price range. Several tens of thousands out of my price range. And very nice they are too. Sadly that lottery win still eludes...

Chimneys

A tell tale sign that your house is old. That there won't be an en-suite. That there'll be carpet inside, or recently installed laminate flooring. That the rooms will be quite big. That there'll be no shiny silver towel rails. That the boiler will be a complicated mess. That there'll be a fireplace, without its original features.

That'll be the kind of place I'll have to buy then.

Renting Not As Appealing As It Was Yesterday

The wind's blowing in a different direction today, and the idea of renting doesn't smell so sweet as it did yesterday. I've lined other pockets enough in my time by renting other people's property. Gonna have to take the plunge at some point. Even though for the first five years, I'll largely be paying some pin-stripe suits interest on the loans they'll so very kindly afford a man in my position. I'm still focused on getting a mortgage, but it's gonna be July before I have a decent enough deposit. So the chances of me being in my first house by September are a lot slimmer than my 40-year-old waistline.

Renting Rears It Less Ugly Head

My aversion to mortgages just won't go away. And with so little choice out there, and such very high interest rates, I'm seriously considering abandoning my plans to get a mortgage and to rent for a while. I point blank refuse to pay 6% interest when the Bank of England rate is just 0.5%. Banks can f*ck right off. And some even put a £1000 fee on top of that. Now that really is taking the p!ss.

Financial Bloke On Telly Advises People To Pay Off Mortgages As Quickly As Possible

Is this the kind of inspired insight we have to pay Financial Advisors for?

Is there anyone out there who thinks, well I could pay off my mortgage now, but I'll leave it twenty years just so more of my money can line the pockets of bankers charging extortionate interest rates.